Mom Shaming and Unwanted Advice: Why it Needs to Stop, and How to Do it With Love

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Mom shaming. Just the term alone sickens me to my core. The mere thought that a mother could actually point a finger at another mother, and ridicule her for her parenting styles or choices being different than their own, appalls me. After all, are we not all unique? Do we not all have our own ways of doing things? Do we not all have our own minds, capable of making well thought out choices for our children that work best for us and our kids? Are we not all mothers?

When did mom shaming become a thing? It seems as though this has been an ongoing issue for as long as being a mother was born into existence. From the very moment Eve became a mother, it was written in the cards that mothers would be cruel to and ridicule each other for their choices and parenting styles being different from one another.

A better question to ponder upon: When did mom shaming become a cool thing to do?

We’ve all seen and witnessed it in today’s technological age. It seems as if every mom forum, mom app, and mom group in existence – no matter how great – will always have those specific individuals who think they are Queen Bee from the Kingdom of Momdom, and will always point fingers, ridicule, insult, and belittle others because they choose to raise their child differently than they do.

We don’t just see this online, though – we witness this in our daily personal lives as well. Maybe your own mother did things differently than you, and thinks you should do them a certain way – and if you choose not to, and in turn fire back at her, she will ridicule you for your way of doing things, and you may find yourself at odds with your own mother.

Perhaps your mother in law did things differently in her home country when she was raising her children, and when she tries to give you advice and you retort with animosity because – let’s face it, you don’t like her anyway – and choose not to accept her way of doing things, she shames you for your choices, and in turn causes a whirlwind of trouble for you to deal with on a whole new level. Perhaps there’s a better way. A kinder way.

In these types of situations, it may be harder to convince those we love that we are perfectly capable of doing things our way without their advice. Regardless, we can choose to react calmly with love when it happens to be a loved one (or not-so-loved one) trying to offer advice. Dealing with the same from someone we have never met online  who is blatantly being hurtful because of our decisions is exceptionally frustrating as well. It’s easy to fly off the handle at someone we have never met – but why waste the energy getting worked up and upset, and potentially ruining the rest of our day, when we can also choose to extend a kind, “Thank you for your advice, which I really appreciate – but I have my own way of doing things, and it works for me.” We can correct the problem without introducing other issues by showing a firm upper hand, but at the same time, also offering and extending kindness in the process.

Newsflash: Being that we are all unique in our own ways, the fact that we would all parent differently and in our own ways is obviously a given. Being that the Good Lord has given us freedom of thought and the ability to make sound decisions of our own, why should you, I, or anybody else say what is right for another mother, child, or family?

I know there are some who may balk at the thought of a mother choosing to cloth diaper over using disposable diapers (after all, who would want to do all that laundry, anyway?) and frown upon and ridicule those who choose to not vaccinate their children, or perhaps co sleep with their child over putting them in their own bed at night. What about those moms who choose to, God forbid, introduce the pacifier? Or perhaps raise their child in a household consisting of two mothers rather than one?

Who are we to judge??

I will admit right now that I am that cloth diapering mom, who co-sleeps and chooses to vaccinate her children. I do baby led everything, and don’t have set schedules for my baby – I listen and look for his cues to know when its time to do something. Gasp!

See, there’s a big difference between having an opinion – which we all have – and shaming another mother for having a difference of opinion on things in life, such as vaccinations, because their outlook is different from our own. That I won’t do.

I believe its high time we, as mothers, come together and lovingly agree to disagree on the issues that matter the most to us. I believe we can all exist in peace with one another, offering help and suggestions where necessary, but in a loving, caring, non-condemning way. After all – we are all mothers, and our one end goal is to have happy, healthy, thriving children who at the end of the day are our entire world. We love our children. And we should learn to exist peacefully to set a good example for our children.

It’s time to pour on the love, and leave the hurtful, hateful words out of the equation. It’s time to mom up, and be better than this. I know we are all capable. Let’s now put it into practice, and make it happen.

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