“My husband had an affair.”
It’s something I have heard countless times since being married from other married women. I always felt so bad for them, but always knew my husband would never do it to me.
Until he did.
Now, to get one thing straight: I’m not posting this here to criticize him, bash him, talk badly about him or even to discredit him as a man. I’m not posting this to bash the other woman. What I am doing, is posting this here because it’s part of my healing. It’s honest, raw reality and the truth is, he did have an affair.
But there is also truth in this: I am thankful for his affair, and I am okay with the fact that another woman borrowed him. It taught him a valuable lesson. It showed him what was really important in life, and who he really loved. It allowed him to open his eyes and begin walking a straight and narrow path. It led him back to me.
Yes, you read that right. I am thankful.
Do you know why?
Because during the time he spent with this other woman, aside from my own personal growth, something happened to him as well. You see, for a very long time, he was in a very dark place mentally. He was facing mental illness that had him on a downward spiral. He had been having a really difficult time from my own indiscretions many years prior, and he was sucked into the web of lies that a person believes when they are wandering and lost. I should know. I have been there.
Many women cannot understand how I could be so forgiving. That’s okay. My decision to forgive my husband is not for anybody else to understand.
During the time he was gone, I was forced to grow a lot as a person, both as a mother and as a wife. I learned a lot about my own strength and capabilities. I learned to handle life in the worst of times and how to rise above the darkest moments a person can face.
I cried so many nights as I sat alone, children in bed and baby asleep, and I had nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. Those long, lonely nights were killing me. I would sit and cry, look at old pictures, smell his clothes, and wait for him to call or text me. It got so bad that I wrapped one of his pillows in one of his shirts, sprayed his cologne on it, and would cuddle with it and just cry alone on my bed.
I was a complete mess. Everyone kept telling me he was up to no good. I didn’t want to believe that. I still had faith in him. I didn’t want to believe there was someone else. I wanted to believe that he was just working some stuff out of his system and was hanging out with his friends and drinking. I didn’t want to really believe he was doing me wrong.
His mind was lying to him, telling him that this other woman was good for him at the time. For a while, she seemed like a good option, and he believed that he and I were through. He believed these things because he was forcing himself to. He pushed Jesus away. He pushed me away. And he pushed his family away. He was completely lost.
I had the opportunity to speak with this other woman. I can’t hate her, she is far too sweet for me to. I can’t even dislike her, because she was too honest for me to. She wasn’t aware that he and I weren’t technically over at the time. He told me he wasn’t completely honest and forthcoming with her about the state he and I were in. Honestly, it wasn’t her fault.
As much as I prayed for him, I saw no change in him. But I knew in my heart without a shadow of a doubt that God was going to come through in a major way. I just knew it. I didn’t know when, or how, but that he would – and it would be on his timing, not my own. I knew I had God on my side. I kept my faith and prayed constantly. Not only to bring my husband back home, but to give me peace and help me through this difficult situation alone. I kept busy, helping people where I could after the hurricane and keeping focused on being as kind to others as I could – because it helped my heart to feel safe and happy.
When I would help others, I didn’t feel so broken. I felt like I had a purpose.
I went through a period where depression hit me harder than it ever had before. I was honestly afraid to be alone with myself. I was not doing well mentally and reached out to the Pastor of my church, who met with me and helped talk me through it.
My husband came home for good after Hurricane Irma had hit, and he immediately began trying to work to become a better man. Eventually, he buckled and told me everything. That was all very recent.
I think the hardest part for me was comprehending what I was hearing. This man, who I had always admired and looked up to because of his incredible strength, loyalty, and morality was telling me he was now a weak, untrustworthy man who did the worst possible thing he could do. He cried his eyes out. I did, too.
At first I was angry. I was so angry. And incredibly hurt. I cussed at him. Called him every name in the book. I mean, for God’s sake….we have a baby. I breastfeed my baby. Did I need to worry about disease now?? I was petrified. I hurled incredible insults. Told him he was heartless. Asked him, “How could you?” to which he replied, “Sarah…I wasn’t myself. I screwed up. Bad. I am so sorry for everything.”
As the days and weeks went on, I managed to find healing through my relationship with Jesus. He carried me through all of this the way he had carried me through the time where Richi was gone. He put a loving hand on me whenever I needed one without me having to ask. He offered me peace which I gratefully accepted. And now, I am completely okay with the state of how things were – because of the current state of how things are.
You see, without this affair, my husband and I would be worlds apart the same way we had been for a while. Since he came clean, he tells me all day every day how much he loves me, how incredibly sorry he is for what he calls the hugest mistake of his entire life, and tells me what an amazing wife and mother I am. It had been such a long time since I had experienced him being this sweet, caring man. It’s almost hard to believe it’s all real sometimes. He doesn’t fail to try and go out of his way for me any longer. He tells me how badly he needs me constantly, and he has become my husband again.
He’s finally back. He’s finally home. My husband, my best friend.
He doesn’t drink anymore, and even quit smoking his vapor. For anyone who knows him, they know that the vape thing is huge.
He is closer to Jesus than ever before, and he is building on his relationship with him every day. God spoke to his heart, which was what led him to approach me with what he had done on his own.
God came through, alright. He once again answered my prayers. He saw how lifeless I had become. He witnessed my messy tears and late night pleas for help. He saw me at my worst and never left my side. I owe my God my life.
As for my husband?
I am seriously SO proud of him. Like, you guys have absolutely NO idea. I love this man so much. He is trying so hard to redeem himself and make me a happy woman. Little does he know just by him being himself finally, and being a sweet guy, and showering me with love, he’s already doing everything I could dream of and more.
He hurt me so badly. He left me alone for many nights. I cried and prayed and it was all I could do. But, in the end, I’d endure it all over again to have what we have right now.
You see, what we have is a 16-year-long love. I don’t intend on flushing it down the toilet now. He is my forever.
Truth is, I fully believe how sorry he is and I do truly believe him when he tells me he was completely lost during the time where he was with her. He tells me he doesn’t know who he was at that time, and that the devil was feeding his mind lies and driving him towards destruction. He tells me how she is the biggest regret of his life. He says they weren’t even the same type of people, so he doesn’t even understand how any of this happened or why he was with her. He said there were lots of little things that he picked up on that he didn’t like – but that she is nothing to him and he does not love her. At the time he thought he did, but he said he realizes now that his mind was tricked by darkness – and I agree that was very possibly what it was.
I forgive him, not only because I have to forgive him in order for God to forgive me – but I forgive him because I love him, and he was lost. His heart has always, and will always, belong to me. I know that now.
You see, I feel like God allows us to have free will and make decisions in our own lives. Some good, some bad. We all know the difference between right and wrong. But, at the same time, I also believe that God makes all things work together for our good. To me, I believe God allowed this situation to transpire so that we would be able to be closer than ever before, and truly appreciate our love for one another. Why things had to come to this is still a mystery to me. But I do know that God has his hand in this 100% because he does not want to see us fall.
I fully trust that he will never do these things again – and with the same faith that I trust and believe in my God, I believe in what my husband is telling me. He never wants to be away from me anymore, and we have recommitted our lives to each other – and most importantly, to God.
We don’t need counseling. What we need is each other. And as long as God is the center of our marriage, we will always walk in the light, hand in hand.
I really don’t recall a time where I have been able to feel so calm and happy.
He proudly wears a wedding ring now. We study the Bible together and pray together all the time, as well as attend church regularly now! We are soon going to have a vow renewal with friends and family, and build on all of our hopes, dreams, and goals together.
Soon, we are going to be purchasing a home. A new place that is all our own to raise our children in together, where they can always come back to as they grow and move on in life.
We have plans to be closer than ever, and I don’t anticipate anything ever getting in the way of that ever again.
He is my forever, and I am his.
And so goes the rest of our lives.